Iapos;ve been trying not to think too much so journaling feels odd. I still cry randomly, just a lot less often. I really like my apartment. I love living near the ocean. Iapos;m lonely and miss Gregg terribly. Iapos;m tempted to call him multiple times each day but Iapos;ve been good about not.
I asked that we not speak for a while as I thought it would help me "make the break" in being boyfriends so we can be friends. Iapos;m not sure when/if thatapos;s going to happen. Iapos;m not angry - just really sad about it all. The past few weeks have made me realize he is probably right that this is better for us. Iapos;ve realized how much of myself I put aside when we were together. It wasnapos;t asked of me, but I did it.
In some ways Iapos;m more myself now than I have been in years, in others Iapos;m totally lost. Time will help that - at least thatapos;s the common "wisdom" Iapos;m hanging on to.
My apartment is a mess - overstuffed with boxes of things I donapos;t have a place for. I need furniture but am on a budget and trying to wait and get things I actually like when I can afford them. Namely, i need a piece of furniture with drawers.
So far I havenapos;t met many people - a few neighbors. I havenapos;t gone to the bars thought theyapos;re all a few blocks from my apartment. I never liked bars and the thought of going now just makes me anxious. Iapos;m terrible with new people. Iapos;m shy and awkward and it comes across as rude. I donapos;t mean to be. And now thereapos;s the specter of the "boyfriend" question - I still canapos;t explain that we broke u without getting teary. I cried at work yesterday telling an old coworker in email.
Iapos;m dogging sitting for Crespo and thatapos;s been a god distraction. I start Sig Novice class in two weeks and that should be fun too. The Album cover/mix project with Kirby is due for a swap tonight. Im waiting for him to call. Iapos;m curious as to what theme he chose for his.
As for the rest of it - Iapos;m trying to keep it together in public and keep moving. Itapos;s what I do.
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