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Iapos;m heading back to Circuit City tomorrow for what will probably be a drug test. I donapos;t blame them for doing it since I look like a drug addict.

After a long hard time thinking Iapos;ve decided that now is the time to finally get onto the next-gen band wagon. I was going to just wait until Resident Evil 5 came out in the hopes that the price will go down by then, but no dice apparently. Iapos;ve been seeing ads for Dead Space for weeks and finally caved in to find out what the game actually is. Turns out itapos;s Resident Evil 4... IN SPACE. It looks really fun to play and provided I get the Circuit City job and have the money to spare at the time a PS3 will probably be my Christmas present to myself. Iapos;m passing on the Wii because aside from No More Heroes, thereapos;s nothing on it now or thatapos;s coming out that will make me feel the need to have it now. Besides, if I am employed there will be other chances to get one since the price is so low. It all rests on getting the CC job, so weapos;ll see.

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Checked the mail today...got a letter from unemployment saying Jay was denied. His fucking company stood in the way - even though they said they wouldnapos;t.
I donapos;t know how weapos;re going to live.
I donapos;t make enough to pay our bills...I donapos;t get enough in my next paycheck to may our rent. I only took this fucking job to SUPPLEMENT our income. Not to mention that I hate it.

I wish I could turn the clock back 4 months and start over. I wouldnapos;t have closed the studio, I wouldnapos;t have left the shithole of Worcester...even though I hated living there. I wouldnapos;t have taken this job and caused Jay to get fired. And at least weapos;d be paying for our basic necessities.

This is completely my fault. I fucked up and now my entire family is paying for it. I have a feeling they wouldapos;ve been a whole lot better off without me.

I really donapos;t feel like dancing today.

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Iapos;ve been trying not to think too much so journaling feels odd. I still cry randomly, just a lot less often. I really like my apartment. I love living near the ocean. Iapos;m lonely and miss Gregg terribly. Iapos;m tempted to call him multiple times each day but Iapos;ve been good about not.

I asked that we not speak for a while as I thought it would help me "make the break" in being boyfriends so we can be friends. Iapos;m not sure when/if thatapos;s going to happen. Iapos;m not angry - just really sad about it all. The past few weeks have made me realize he is probably right that this is better for us. Iapos;ve realized how much of myself I put aside when we were together. It wasnapos;t asked of me, but I did it.

In some ways Iapos;m more myself now than I have been in years, in others Iapos;m totally lost. Time will help that - at least thatapos;s the common "wisdom" Iapos;m hanging on to.

My apartment is a mess - overstuffed with boxes of things I donapos;t have a place for. I need furniture but am on a budget and trying to wait and get things I actually like when I can afford them. Namely, i need a piece of furniture with drawers.

So far I havenapos;t met many people - a few neighbors. I havenapos;t gone to the bars thought theyapos;re all a few blocks from my apartment. I never liked bars and the thought of going now just makes me anxious. Iapos;m terrible with new people. Iapos;m shy and awkward and it comes across as rude. I donapos;t mean to be. And now thereapos;s the specter of the "boyfriend" question - I still canapos;t explain that we broke u without getting teary. I cried at work yesterday telling an old coworker in email.

Iapos;m dogging sitting for Crespo and thatapos;s been a god distraction. I start Sig Novice class in two weeks and that should be fun too. The Album cover/mix project with Kirby is due for a swap tonight. Im waiting for him to call. Iapos;m curious as to what theme he chose for his.

As for the rest of it - Iapos;m trying to keep it together in public and keep moving. Itapos;s what I do.

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The afternoon went more smoothly than iapos;d anticipated - because i was cussing and storming all the way to work because i was so far behind in traffic from the football game that i couldnapos;t get in the studio to stop my voice from saying all the wrong things.� somehow the things that i did for last night (that DID�air last night)�ended up airing again today before i got there.� it was omg embarrasing.� luke helped, then max called in and we made it through the tailgating pre-game stuff together and then i put the game on and started tracking for after the game and for tomooooorrrow, so i wonapos;t have to go in.� yay, a finished weekend� i actually sounded good today. �woohooo� had my voice and all, even though itapos;s a little bit sleepy/tired sounding cause of hollering and singing last night.�

at the moment, the kids next door are fighting and the littlest one is crying - that makes molly hide in the house.

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Last summer I came to Bangalore looking for my next home. Since my sister knew Frontline Builders, I contacted them, and next morning we were on the way. I can only repeat what others have said about Frontline Builders. Before our meeting I was sure it would take me a few days to find the right house. It did not take more than two hours Frontline Builders is very easy to work with; they listen carefully, are very knowledgeable, and make the whole experience very enjoyable. Both, my sister and I are looking forward to doing business again with our newly found friends in Bangalore.

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Itapos;s been a hot minute.

first off. Carrie i promise i will call you back. I promise.� or you call me saturday.� you always call when im not home� or when im sleeeeping which is hardly ever..but besides.� ugh.

3 more weeks left in the quarter� HOOORAYYY

went and saw the magnetic fields in boulder on wednesday. Hands down..one of the best shows ive ever been to.� so if you are a fan - i say shell out the money and go. Yes, theyapos;re expensive tickets..but totally worth it.� all acoustic, original line up.� we had 4th row seats right next to stephen merritt for 28 bucks.� i was probably 5 ft away from the guy.� im totally digging the new album - even if it didnt get fantastic reviews.� i like it. A lot.� they played stuff from all their albums (even 69 love songs..holiday..pieces of april, i...all of em).� played over 3 hours too� there was lots of banter and talking between songs and the whole thing was just so damn intimate.� claudia and shirley were suffering from a bit of altitude sickness, so they kept having to run backstage to huff oxygen. No lie.� and clearly alcohol was affecting everyone a bit more than they thought it would.� yay to colorado� best ever.

tonite is the mountain goats� ahhh two of my favorite bands in one week� im going crazy� ahhhh

finishing up some accessions for RMJHS...then we get to work on the JCRS collection that came in.� TUBERCULOSIS�

for halloween our department is each going as a different metadata schema.� NERD ALERT� apparently i get VRA, which i am super excited about.
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This is from yesterday oops.

today is my sisterapos;s, my roommateapos;s sisterapos;s (also housemate), and my coworkerapos;s birthday. Happy birthday to all of them. I took my sister out to see nick and norahapos;s playlist. I loved the music, i love the movie, and it made me feel like a hopeless romantic. I havenapos;t felt that twinge in a long time. This movie is adorkable and i absolutely love michael cera. I need to catch up on my movies. My sister loved it. And then told me she liked this older guy and i flipped out. I have never felt so motherly/big sisterly like this before. I donapos;t think i could have kids because i would worry so much about them. Now i kinda grasp why my parents are slightly insane. I felt so overprotective, but i didnapos;t feel like i could stop myself. I didnapos;t want my lil sis to be hurt...but i gotta let her do her own thing. I canapos;t believe my lil sis is 21. Freaked me out big time. Explained about asian flush, so she wouldnapos;t be caught off guard. That has fucked me up plenty times and more. I donapos;t think people realize what it does to my system. Anyways...



this movie makes me wanna make more mixtapes, find someone nerdy/goofy/silly like me, and go see new york city

my roommate has a project that is a very graphic project and so i showed her my print magazines and the design books i have. I started to get excited about design again. I wanna make some sweet posters and my own projects as well my first project will be a birthday card for a friend. I have until saturday night to design it and make it.
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